4 Keys To Intelligently Manage Emotions
Managing emotions intelligently means channeling them to maintain balance and harmony. Thanks to this, we manage to be a positive force for ourselves and for all those around us, and at the same time avoid that our emotional world robs us of vital energy.
When our emotions are able to stay in balance, we are more productive, more creative, and happier. We prevent what we feel from taking control of who we are. We thus manage to give a constructive direction to this subjective world, by making it work in our favor and not against us.
With calm emotions we are able to set goals for ourselves and achieve them. To have healthy relationships with others and to be able to give the best of ourselves. Hence the importance of learning to manage our emotions. Getting there only means making the decision and being persistent. Here are four keys to getting there.
1. Understand that negative emotions do not exist
Emotions have a reason to be. It is therefore a mistake to classify them as positive or negative. We just have to keep in mind that there are stimuli that lead to experiencing certain emotions. This is inevitable.
Fear , for example, is a response to threatening situations. If we did not experience it, we would easily fall into reckless behavior which would put our integrity at risk. Anger, on the other hand, is also a defensive response whose role is to prepare us for attack when danger exists.
There are therefore no negative emotions. To learn to manage emotions intelligently, it is important to know how to interpret the message that each of them communicates. They are a guide to knowing that something is happening and that we need to tackle it.
2. Allow ourselves to feel, to manage emotions intelligently
Education and traditional teaching almost never teach us how to deal with emotions. They convince us that there are feelings and emotions that we shouldn’t experience. They tell us, for example, that crying or being afraid doesn’t solve anything.
The emo tions however are not born or disappear by themselves. Therefore, suppressing what we are feeling is not the correct way to deal with them. Trying to stifle what we are feeling only delays their expression. What we repress always reappears and sometimes in an exacerbated way.
The first thing to do is therefore to understand that all emotions are legitimate and have the right to exist and to express themselves. If we accept what we are feeling, it will be much easier to deal with emotions in a smart way. Not accepting them involves creating confusion which results in an internal storm .
3. Observe, observe, observe …
The best way to intelligently deal with emotions is to accept them, but also to understand them. To achieve this, it is essential that we increase our ability to observe them. Just paying attention to them is already starting to channel them.
Daniel Goleman, the great theorist of emotional intelligence, points out that “attention regulates emotion”. This means that when attention is focused on how we feel, this subjective experience is automatically modulated or nuanced.
To observe emotions, you have to ask yourself: what am I feeling? How do I feel? Then try to put the exact name on the emotion that is being experienced. Is it anger or is it frustration? Is it rejection or is it fatigue? The more precise the identification, the easier it will be for us to understand the reasons for these emotions.
4. Be critical with our thoughts
Although it seems to us that this is not the case, many of our thoughts arise mechanically. These are interpretations of reality, which sometimes have a basis and sometimes not. They can also be the result of reasoning, or not.
Thought is not reality, but a filter of reality. It makes us feel this or that way about what’s going on, and that often leads us to make mistakes. For example, thought can tell us that such a difficulty is a gene. But we could also say to ourselves that this is a challenge, an opportunity. C e the however is only possible when we dare to question these ideas and we not only do we get carried away by them.
Learning to deal with emotions intelligently involves being fully awake. Attentive and focused on our internal world. It can be difficult at first, but the benefits are so great that the effort is worth it.
Our thoughts Ignoring or denying children’s emotions is dangerous behavior.
