Why Do Some People Not Respect Our Personal Limits?
Respecting and protecting each other’s personal limits is an essential concept for our health, our balance and our well-being. However, as we know, not everyone always follows this rule.
Why don’t some people consider that we have a right to privacy? Why do some interfere, invade and violate our emotional, mental and sometimes even physical barriers?
All these questions concerning personal space are often very complicated and delicate. They are indeed because many of us sometimes have difficulty in clearly establishing a limit. It is a personal boundary where we can protect our values, identity and rights. Then, we must also face the facts and unfortunately accept a somewhat sad fact.
There are people who are unable to recognize certain social signals. Moreover, even if they recognize them, they do not always respect them. This is the case, for example, of certain couples, parents, friends around us… Indeed, the emotional component and the proximity that we maintain with them can make them believe that they have the right to cross our personal barriers.
On the other hand, Dr. Ernest Hartmann, an expert in the field, explains in his book Limites mentales that there are certain psychological disorders and certain personality styles which are unable to recognize and respect social codes essential to relationships. healthy social. Let’s take a closer look at this idea.
People who do not know how to respect personal limits
Respect is one of the essential qualities that we can manifest. It gives strength, meaning and consistency to human relationships. This allows us to create more dynamic, more productive and above all, more harmonious environments. To respect is to tolerate. It is also letting the other be. Finally, it is offering others a sense of dignity that allows them to fulfill themselves as a person and to have their space and place in the world.
All this is very logical and understandable, however this attitude is far from unanimous around us. There are indeed people who do not know how to respect the personal limits of others. They violate them in different ways. For example, in:
- Asking for favors
- Appropriating things that don’t belong to them because they feel they have a right to them
- Ignoring our opinions, our decisions, our values, our beliefs …
- Bypassing our emotional boundaries and making us bear all the blame and guilt
- Overcoming the physical barrier. Indeed, some people even allow themselves to touch us physically, thus exceeding the limits of the admissible
Let us now see what are the possible reasons that may lead them to act in this way.
Personality styles that tend to transgress other people’s boundaries
In a study published in the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology , psychologists Bulger, Carrie A., Matthews, Russell A., and Hoffman, Mark E. conducted several workplace surveys. They concluded that it is common for personal boundaries to be abused in the workplace.
This type of behavior is particularly common:
- among profiles accustomed to power: for example, employers, managers, department heads or supervisors
- It is also common for this lack of respect for the personal boundaries of others to appear in narcissistic personalities. It is those men or women who enjoy manipulating and controlling others for specific purposes. In addition, these individuals systematically lack empathy. It is therefore impossible for them to understand that their behavior generates pain in the other.
Close people and the emotional factor
As we pointed out above, our loved ones are often those who tend to respect our personal limits less. So, it is common for some family members, friends and even a spouse to assume that they have the right to ask or do something from us because they are close to us.
- Moreover, by circumventing these limits, they also test us. This way, they realize that with every concession we make to them, nothing happens. There are no consequences. Worse yet, they gain confidence and know they can go further next time
- On the other hand, it is a source of slow erosion. By allowing these incursions, by saying “yes” when we would like to say “no”, we undermine our self-esteem.
We accumulate a lot of frustration and a feeling of guilt. Over time, the very wear and tear of our sense of self is such that our personal limits also tend to blur.
How to deal with people who do not know how to respect personal limits?
If someone has a tendency to transgress our personal boundaries, the first question to ask is this. Did I make him understand where my limits are? Have I been clear enough that he understands what he can do and what he cannot do?
It is certain that there are always profiles who by nature are more prone to disrespect us. They consider that they have the right to do so. However, there are also a number of aspects to consider when it comes to personal boundaries:
- Boundaries help us improve our social relationships. Not only is it advisable to have them, but they are even necessary
- Loving someone is also knowing how to say “no” to them. No one sets limits just out of selfishness or to be mean. On the other hand, people do it for their psychological well-being and for the respect of their space. It is above all a key element of their personal health
Some avenues to manage those who do not know how to respect the personal limits of others
A life without limits is a bit like a house without walls. We absolutely need it as a refuge, as a space to protect what we are. This is about our own security. Therefore, if there is someone who does not respect these limits, we must make it clear to them and remind them where our limits lie.
- For this we must be clear. We must remind him of what is allowed and what is not
- During this recall, the other person may possibly react with nastiness, annoyance or even indignation. Indeed, someone who is used to breaking barriers generally does not appreciate such a call to order. Nevertheless, we must insist and do it with firmness
- Act using the following values :
- First of all, the intellectual courage that allows you to defend your thoughts
- Emotional courage, to protect your emotions and feelings
- Finally, speak with firmness and physical courage to preserve what is yours. In other words, your goods and your personal space
In conclusion, the question of personal limits is a duty that we owe to ourselves. However, if these limits are not clear already inside, they obviously will not be clear to others. Finally, remember that our personal limits are valuable. They must therefore be properly protected and defended on a daily basis.
Whether we like it or not, there will unfortunately always be someone there to take advantage of a moment of relaxation to bypass our borders. So let’s be on our guard!
Our thoughts Knowing how to say no is not something that everyone has. However, in the professional field, assertiveness is absolutely essential.
