How To Handle A Break Without Explanation (ghosting)

Many of us let a person dwell in our hearts on one condition: that they do not break anything. We take action and we prevent, but still, some people do damage and catch us off guard. This happens, for example, when a member of the couple ends the relationship without any explanation, when overnight, he disappears as if by magic, without even a “we need to talk”, a “I’ll call you later” or a “I’m sorry, but it’s over between us.”

It is said that all broken people are made up of badly resolved stories. That in a way, the majority of us are dragging behind unfinished stories that sway in our minds, conjuring up awkward flaws from that past that still hurts. However, sometimes things are more complicated. Because more than badly closed chapters, what there is in us are endless stories, shadows of people who have left us overnight without giving us any explanations.

However, this is not new. What is new is the name given to this situation; Americans tend to put a label on every trait, every behavior or every dynamic, and in this case speak of “ghosting” . This act of disappearing from someone’s life – someone with whom not long ago had an emotional connection – is something more than recurring, to the point where, on average, it can happen to us. once or twice in our life. Or worse yet, we may be the ones leading this conduct.

So, and while it is often said that leaving someone without a single prior explanation is a masculine art, there are some aspects to consider. Giving up without giving an explanation is not an art, no; it is a clear lack of consideration and proof of immaturity. Thus, this act is not exclusively a man’s business. Men and women do it, and even more in our time, that of new technologies where it is possible to end a relationship with a single click and / or a simple block on social networks.

There is no written law telling us “before you leave someone, you must tell them why” . No one is forcing us either to have this final conversation, to list one by one the reasons that led to this decision. And when we get into a relationship, we do not sign any contract forcing us to explain why our heart does not beat in the same way for the other, or why the illusion has vanished.

This is how ; no one governs the standards of what should or should not be done in an emotional relationship. On the other hand, there is a sense of ethics, moral and emotional respect, there is maturity and courage. Therefore, and since this type of principle is not innate, but learned, many people have to face a romantic breakup without explanations and all that it implies.

Even if there are not many clinical articles dealing with all these psychological processes that the abandoned person generally goes through, it is important to specify that these processes often concur in the framework of similar dynamics, which are the following:

• The person is unable to recognize that the relationship is over: since no clear explanation has been given, they enter an unsuccessful dynamic to reconnect with the other, to fix a meeting. All of this gives rise to even more anxiety, despair and the inability to turn the page. It is not the same as coming out of a relationship knowing the cause of causing the loss as being abandoned overnight for no reason. Doubts, the attempt to rationalize the irrational, all of this often makes the person feel guilty. To think that it is the very reason for the abandonment.

• The grieving period can last for months or even never end. This open wound, this permanent doubt creates a void where resentment, frustration and mistrust begin to settle. Therefore, it becomes very complicated to start new relationships, or to ensure that they are of quality.

There is no such thing as abandonment that is not motivated by no reason. Breakups without explanations are more frequent than you might think, and it is necessary to know how to manage them, respond to them and above all, survive them. Let’s see in the following article some rules that can help us in these cases:

Unanswered calls and messages. Social media profiles blocked. Days turn into weeks and communication shines through its absence. The contacts, friends and family members of that person who avoid us and give us excuses …

We could consider more leads, but the evidence supporting the idea of ​​giving up and breaking up is clear. Let us avoid prolonging the inevitable and proceed to accept what has happened: farewells that we must say for the other in the face of his silence.

You will be told to turn the page, to accept, to forget this person. This is good advice, sure, but it will all take time and come later. The first and most necessary step is to validate yourself, but also to validate what you feel. This is the time to recognize the hurt, to cry, to exteriorize this suffering and to reconnect ourselves with this fragmented being that we are.

It is important to let all of this happen.

No matter how hard we try, it won’t always be possible to get a date with this person to give us a why. And this is something we have to come to terms with: we will be forced to shape grieving even without this final conversation. We will have to put an end to this chapter ourselves, and for that, muster our courage and our responsibility.

• Responsibility above all for ourselves: because if we have been abandoned, the last thing we have to do is abandon ourselves. We have to take the reins back and understand that we are 100% responsible for our own recovery. We can’t go back, so no more attempts at contact, begging for a new date or plans to meet “by chance” that person who left us.

If there is anything that is left after breaking up without an explanation, it is pain and anger. We need to understand that these two dimensions do not go away on their own over time. They are resistant, become embedded and can completely condition our life.

So let’s learn how to manage them. For this, it is recommended to indulge in new activities, to take advantage of the support provided by friends and family, to embark on projects that delude us and which allow us to channel these so complex emotions that undermine our identity and veto our happiness.

People facing a breakup without explanations live anchored in the past and in conditional time. What would have happened if things had turned out differently? What if I said that? Why didn’t I realize this?

Reasoning of this type is a source of undoubted suffering.

• To overcome this pain tinged with repetitions and move forward in mourning, it is necessary to make room for the present. Facing the present moment with openness, resilience and dignity, this will allow us to break this bond of suffering that anchors us in the past.

Therefore, we have an additional task: that of making our present suffering a constructive learning. It remains clear that few sufferings are as deep as that of the wound of abandonment; however, our human potential can empower us. We can survive this rupture without explanations, and we can continue to live and move forward because we have the tools to do so.