The “sincerely “: When Being Sincere Is Not Always Correct

We all say, at times, something that is not completely sincere and we know it. Lying or lacking honesty serves to protect us from what can happen. If we think something harmful is going to happen to us, we tend to twist the truth to our liking. Thus, we safeguard our self-esteem or we free ourselves from possible negative consequences.

“To be sincere is not to say everything you think, but never to say the opposite of what you think”.

The main axis of insincerity is not always fear. Compassion for our neighbor also makes us choose a lie rather than the truth. This type of lie is light, unimportant, does not last long, and can be useful or even beneficial to others, as it avoids major and unnecessary conflicts.

We do not wish here to defend the lie, far from it, but we want to convey the idea that being sincere at all costs, with everyone, no matter what, is also not the best idea if we we want to get out of all situations.

To be sincere or to be rude?

Psychologists have chosen this rather comical term of “sincerity” to define the behavior that a person adopts when he is sincere in front of others, without any filter and when no one asks his opinion, then thinking himself honest and courageous. The word refers to “suicide”, abstractly of course, due to an excess of enthusiasm for the truth.

This act is often seen as reckless, tactless and verbally irresponsible. The sincerecide ends up developing conflicts with those around him, because it can be perceived as bad behavior, and we can also consider it as such.

In order not to finish with everyone, the ideal is to evaluate beforehand what we are going to say and especially if the person who will receive the message is ready to digest it emotionally.

Being sincere is not always a quality because education and respect must be above and even more if it is to express what will not serve or interest anyone. Spitting out whatever comes to mind is a sign of social backwardness, of not adapting to the rules of the game.

How many of us have felt great embarrassment when someone told us our clothes didn’t match or saw our ex with someone else? Conversely, adapting to the context and at the right moment, and knowing how to contain oneself until that moment is a quality that we must know how to highlight. There are some comments that are just too much or that can be expressed in other circumstances.

Be sincere by disguising the truth

We all have the right to know our truth, but we also have the right to put our own limits on that knowledge. The ideal is, as adults, to be strong emotionally and to accept the discomforts of life, so that they can act in a right position.

The problem is that the truth, in certain situations, hurts and very much. Not everyone is prepared to receive certain news of a very negative or dramatic nature.

Imagine that you have been diagnosed with a serious illness. Would you like to know if you are going to die? Would you prefer the truth to be hidden from you or would you like to know how much time you have left? How would you like to hear the bad news?

As we said, it is important to train to be able to face all that life brings to us, but sometimes it is not too much that others make up the truth, in the same way that we do with it. they are used to regulate the impact of our messages.

If we are able to show empathy for the other, we will be sufficiently far-sighted not to harm them and we will find the right words, as long as we do not speak the opposite of the truth.

Being sincere without committing sincerely is an art, because it involves putting yourself in the person’s shoes, knowing if the circumstances are optimal for them to receive the truth and using the appropriate verbal – and non-verbal – tools. .

Psychologist Rafael Santandreu says that to be comfortable with yourself you always have to tell yourself the truth, but to be good with others you don’t. That is to say, we must not self-mask the truth that we already know because otherwise we will fall into self-deception and this does not allow us to face life with satisfaction.

What’s important is that we differentiate between telling ourselves the truth and over-criticizing ourselves. It is not the same to say to yourself: “Today was not the best of sessions with this patient” as “You are a mediocre psychologist, you should stop forever. . ”

Committing sincerely to yourself is not the best option either. As in everything, virtue is found at the point of equilibrium.

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