When The Family Is A Source Of Stress: How To Deal With The Situation?

Sometimes the family is a source of stress. There are times when the roots of the family tree grab us by the feet without letting us go, bamboozling us with their toxic behaviors, demands, phobias and emotional ties ruled by marked narcissism. Managing this type of dynamic is the key to protecting our dignity and also improving the relational fabric.

There are those who say that being born is almost like falling from a chimney. We never know which family we are going to fall into, nor do we know how the first socio-emotional scenario will be that will determine a good part of our psychic structure and the attachment that we will create with our parents. We also do not know if this family will bring us happiness, if we will be raised in delicacy or if we will witness an environment where reproach, attack and devaluation among family members are very present.

If sometimes the fact that we bump into a good family is almost a lottery, so is surviving unscathed from certain frustrations or tensions that we do not always resolve. It is common that some deficiencies remain, that despite maturity, we continue to disagree with our parents’ values, to argue with our uncles or even to compete with our siblings for some reason or for another one.

Cohabitation is not always easy. On the other hand, as long as there is respect, these apparently antagonistic processes can be carried out with a certain naturalness by allowing us to count on others, on this family which, as this famous sentence says well, must be. there in good times as in bad times. But, what happens when it doesn’t? What should we do when there is no respect and our morale is continually undermined or trampled? How to act when we feel that the family is stressing us and suffocating us?

When the family stresses and suffocates

Sometimes we decide for ourselves that we won’t fall for the same mistakes all over again. We convince ourselves not to go to family reunions or celebrations that always end badly. We try to convince ourselves that we will be steadfast and that we will not give in to any type of blackmail, to demands that usually leave our self-esteem low. And, on the other hand, we always fall into the same traps, time and time again.

But in fact, how do you do it? They are our loved ones and like any heritage built by blood and genetics, we try to honor and respect it day in and day out, although the cost of our stoic devotion grows ever greater. We face situations we don’t know how to handle properly, we let blackmail win out, we lower our heads to contain our emotions, and we bite our tongues so that we don’t lose lifelong relationships in a second.  

When the family is stressed and suffocated, there are many things we think about. Perhaps it is time to formalize a final exit? Should we continue to suffocate us with this blood tie for life? We must not fall into these extremes, it is neither healthy nor admissible. Let’s see below the solutions we can apply.

How to deal with stressful situations in the family context

Wear and tear in family conflict situations can be very significant, due to the amount of feelings and postures involved. This emotional erosion can end up being so deep that any word or gesture in this suffocating family context is analyzed very intensely, even in an oversized manner.

So a first step that we should be working towards is in relationship, in internal calm. When someone has digested so much throughout their life cycle, they build up immense frustration, anger that has created a shell and roots. We must channel all this, relieve it. Once the tension-laden emotions have been vented, it will be time to work on the next aspect.

Define yourself, strengthen your identity

When people do not develop a strong sense of identity, defined and at the same time separated from the family context, their emotional well-being is in continuous danger. It is necessary to cut this umbilical cord and move forward as independent entities directed towards their own ideals, their own values ​​and their own necessities.

When identity and self-concept are secure, there is no doubt that we know what is good, what is admissible and what is not. Also, we not only see toxic behaviors and narcissistic acts more clearly, but we have fewer concerns when it is time to set limits: we know they are necessary to improve cohabitation.

You don’t have to always be okay with your family, it’s not something bad

Family stress is rooted in the lack of harmony. It arises because there is a field of forces in which all of them act as opponents and not as facilitators. A very common fact in this kind of scenario is the need that we sometimes have to always receive the approval of our own, not to want to go outside the lines that some draw and in which others should remain almost by force in order not to not disappoint.

It does not meet the definition of a family. The authentic family is a singular microsome in which the most different elements coexist in perfect harmony. It is a precious stone in which the most varied minerals are encrusted, with their own colors, their fabulous properties and their singularities. It is this diversity that traces the beauty of this jewel where everyone knows that it is different, but also exceptional. So we understand that a family, a good family, respects and extends a hand, it does not suffocate and does not correspond to an obstacle for growth.

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