Sometimes I’m Not There For Everyone … Because I Also Need To Be There For Me

Sometimes I’m not there for anyone because I need myself,  I need to listen to myself, to mend my broken spaces, to file my sharp corners. So the fact that I don’t answer messages or put my phone on silent for a few hours or days doesn’t mean that I closed my door to the world: I just went for a walk with me- even with this being that I had long neglected.

It is curious to see how, almost without realizing it,  we end up placing ourselves in the “spam” folder. We relegate ourselves to the drawer of things to be sorted out later, to the last page of our diary or to that neon yellow post-it that ends up getting lost in the clutter of our office because there is always a priority that arises and postpone it until later.

“There are three extremely hard things: steel, diamonds and knowing yourself”.

-Benjamin Franklin-

We live in a very demanding and competitive society, we know that well. There is a lot to do and the days can be hectic as well as exhausting. And, as if that were not enough,  we must add to that new communication systems, where the processing and interactions are constant and immediate.

We live organized in several WhatsApp groups, we are always locatable, we always have to respond to a message that appears on our cellphone screen, write an e-mail,  like  a photo and say something about labeling, even if we don’t want to.

It’s like living in an epicenter where our hyperopic gaze is unable to see what is in front of it. Our tired eyes can read the needs of others but are unable to decipher ours … Everything looks blurry, everything turns into a ball that settles there, in our heart and in our mind, as if something was not working not, as if something was wrong, without us knowing why …

You’ve reached your limit, but you don’t know it yet

A lot of people need you, you know that. Every day you have to climb ten mountains and overcome ten obstacles and you do it, no doubt about it. However, no one gives you medals for these achievements, hardly anyone recognizes your efforts, your dedication, or even your ability to give up a lot for those around you. Little by little, things lose their meaning. The flavor of people is not the same. The world has run out of music, no longer rhymes, no longer so nimble, and you end up sinking into your own responsibilities like a stone falling into a bottomless pit.

Being there for everything, every day and every moment, involves a secretly high interest rate . The signs of this continuous stressful process over time may very well drift into depression. We must therefore be very attentive to the symptoms:

• Lassitude,  extreme fatigue that sometimes cannot be recovered with sleep or nighttime rest.
• Headaches, migraines.
• Pain in the back.
• Difficult digestion.
• Feeling of constant boredom, life hardly interests us anymore.
• Impatience and irritability.
• Frustration, comments laden with cynicism, bad humor, constant apathy …

As curious as it sounds,  living in a very demanding and constantly busy environment ends up falling asleep. We become insensitive to our own needs, we are strangers to our own hearts and we become lost wanderers on this island of Circe, forgetting where our home is and this house where our own being lives. .

Today I am not here for anyone; today i’m here for me

Saying out loud “for a few days, I won’t be there for anyone, I need to find myself” is not disrespectful. You don’t hurt anyone, you don’t damage anything, the world will keep turning and the rivers flowing. And yet, something wonderful will happen: you will give free rein to emotional healing, you will give yourself time, attention and a clean space to take refuge in. It will be like going into the hollow of a tree to reconnect with your roots, where you can find yourself, in the fetal position, to nourish you and allow your leaves and your branches to grow freely in order to graze the sky.

We now suggest that you think about some ideas that can help you achieve this.

“We only become what we are from a total and profound rejection of what others have made of us.”

-Jean paul Sartre-

Some keys to take control, to listen to you when you need it

In the midst of this vast routine that ends up making us slaves to our personal obligations and those of others, there must be a space, a comfortable and special little hollow that belongs only to us. Like a hiding place to survive, like a rescue boat we can head to whenever we think we’ve reached our limits.

• When you feel that external pressures are preventing you from being yourself, pause and visualize the two places we have stated above: Join these places.
• Now is the time to put together a back-up plan. Benjamin Franklin always said that “ if we don’t have a daily back-up plan, we are doomed to drift forever”.
• This back-up plan must have a goal and establish what is priority or what is secondary ( today my goal is to do my job, not to stress myself and my plan includes two hours to breathe.  Be well seen- e by my colleagues or relatives is secondary).

Finally, we must remember that we are going to need some days for ourselves. This will be a total priority. Making it clear to those around us is not at all a selfish act. Turning off your phone, going for a walk, breathing, and enveloping yourself in our own thoughts is an act of true sanity. Because whether we believe it or not, these days when we need ourselves are many; listening to us, putting our name at the top of the “priority” list, this is not only recommended, but MANDATORY.