Admiration And Love, What’s The Difference?
The border between admiration and love is very subtle. So subtle that it is not uncommon to confuse the two feelings. This is so because these feelings involve a complex dynamic. We can admire without loving with the heart, but we cannot love without there being at the same time an element of admiration.
The subject becomes even more complicated if we think about the fact that falling in love generates a certain idealization of the loved one. In this first phase of the relationship, admiration and love are almost identical. One begins to take precedence over the other over time. Everything is ultimately decided through the mind and the heart.
Physical beauty, for example, is something that can spark admiration and desire. These feelings can be very intense. So much so that we sometimes confuse this set with love. The same goes for other circumstantial virtues such as fame or power. They generate so much admiration that they sometimes end up mixing with love.
Admiration and love, together and apart
One way or another, admiration is always present when love exists. In this case, love and admiration go hand in hand. However, it is not the same when the terms are reversed. In other words, it is not because there is admiration that love is necessarily present.
Idealization consists in attributing to the other virtues which he does not have or to exaggerate those which he has. This often happens at the start of a relationship. The members of the couple do not know each other well enough, but look at each other through a filter: the desire for the other to be someone wonderful. There is admiration and love then, but both have weak bases. Indeed, a good part of this love corresponds to expectations and fantasies.
Admiration and self-esteem
It is usual for people with self-esteem issues to idealize love and “fall in love” with those they consider to be above average. The supposed feeling of love is therefore inspired by the supposed admiration. They actually seek to regain that self-esteem that they lack through the approval and affection of someone to whom they attribute this power.
There are also certain stereotypes in our culture of what is admirable and what is not. In “commercial” terms, someone admirable is the one who corresponds to the ideal customer in the market. The one that respects the parameters established by the latter. Handsome, athletic, with a capacity for consumption and very self-determined.
Therefore, many people eager for acceptance will seek out these stereotypes to lay down their apparent affections upon them. It is a way of feeling included and staving off the specter of rejection. However, there is neither admiration nor love here. Only a hard and strong rejection of oneself.
Healthy admiration and healthy love
True love focuses more on giving of oneself for the good of the other than on awakening the love of the other. It is not a “blinding feeling”. It doesn’t happen overnight either. True love involves knowledge, acceptance and, of course, admiration of the spouse. This is an admiration that arises from knowledge and recognition.
Admiration and love go hand in hand when we manage to deepen the relationship with the other and discover the multiple virtues of the latter. Virtues that would not be appreciated at first sight. There is a positive disposition for these findings. There is no point in using these virtues.
However, the adm iration without love is the fruit of reflection. It involves the recognition of virtues, abilities or qualities considered to be valid. An artist is admired for his talent. A leader for his tenacity, a teacher for his knowledge. None of this implies love in the romantic sense of the word. We can therefore admire without loving, but not the opposite.
Our thoughts The Decalogue of Love is not a series of rules that must be followed blindly. But rather a help to find the true path of serenity …
