Educating Well, A Task As Beautiful As It Is Difficult

To educate well is a task as beautiful as it is difficult. What we do with our children directly influences how their future unfolds, just as their essential socio-emotional capacities, which are themselves linked to rationales, will develop.

In this sense, we must first of all be aware that it is impossible to separate reason from emotion or, as we usually say, mind from heart.

This dichotomy does not follow our reality, because  we are a whole, and therefore, we cement our growth and our life.

This applies to the children and adolescents we want to educate as well as to ourselves as educators (fathers, mothers, teachers, therapists, uncles and aunts, educators, grandparents, etc.).

So if we want to cause well-being, we must first feel it ourselves.

To understand this, we must point out that we educate from our emotions. Indeed, if we are not doing well, we will not be educating in the right way.

For example,  we will not get calm and motivation from our children if we build up a lot of stress and frustration.

10 basic principles for achieving a good education

In light of everything we have said previously, we start from the premise that education is mainly based on the example we set. 

That is to say that we have no brick without clay and that we have no construction without cement. In this sense, education is a team work of the immediate entourage of our children.

Based on the principles proposed by psychologist Laurence Steinberg, today we present a selection of 10 basic elements that will help you educate properly. Let’s see this in more detail:

1. What we do COUNTS

We must think before we act. However, we will agree that we cannot always find the best time to do it and be able to act in quiet moments that guarantee perfect emotional balance.

However, this does not exempt us from wanting to do it in the best possible way. Likewise, we must be aware that:

• Genes are not everything. We must find in education and in the environment a fundamental tool for development.
• Children learn by watching. As we have said, we have to pay attention to the models.

• We need to control influences outside the family early and in a positive way.
• Learning from mistakes is essential to ensure a good education.

2. Tenderness is never excessive

If a 5 month old baby is crying, he may be hungry or he may want to grab your attention. Not measuring your affection is essential in transmitting love to our children.

It’s not their excess of affection that spoils them, it’s when they are shown after they’ve done wrong, but it’s good to think about this.

It is not a question of reinforcing demotivation when it comes to homework, but of accompanying the child when he understands the mistake of not doing his homework or not reviewing. It should also be noted that:

• It is welcome to show physical affection, that is to say hugs, kisses, caresses, looks …
• We need to compliment children’s successes in the right way. Here is an article that talks about this subject.
• We must be prepared to see and respond to the emotional needs of children.
• We must provide a safe shelter in which the child feels that we are supporting him.

3. We must be involved in the lives of our children

It is essential that we take an interest in their motivations, interests and preferences. Likewise, it is important that we get involved in school and that we avoid interfering in the lives of our children in a critical and provocative way.

4. We must adapt the way we educate our child

Each child has their own rhythm, so it is extremely important to respect it.

Very often we struggle to adapt our children’s temperaments to the way we educate them, and we lose sight of the one truth that should govern the process:  EVERY CHILD IS UNIQUE. We must be patient and respect the transition periods .

5. The importance of setting standards and setting limits

Everything is not allowed. Children need standards and limits that help them navigate  and know what limits exist and what is prohibited. We must be firm and act fairly, always remaining balanced and consistent.

6. It is fundamental to forge their independence

It is very important to address the desire by discussing with the child in a positive way. We cannot control the smallest details of our child’s life because we have to let him choose and learn that he has the opportunity to become independent.

This is the phrase to repeat to yourself:  protect when we have to do it, but also allow when we can.

7. Let’s be consistent

Being consistent, maintaining certain routines, standing together, not being inflexible and helping them identify with norms that are not negotiable helps us balance the scales and foster reasoning and understanding of norms on the part of people. children.

8. It is better to avoid harsh punishments

Physical punishment is counterproductive and harmful. It involves treating the child in a negative and disrespectful way, which upsets the balance of everything that came before.

One question usually opens eyes to adults: How can we teach our children to be self-restrained and not to hit if we ourselves hit them when they do something bad? Even a small slap does nothing positive.

This is why we must learn to control our nervousness. Excessive reprimands are also not effective.

If the child does not stop, we can send him to his room, encourage him to repair the damage caused, limit or restrict his privileges (toys, outings, television, etc.).

9. Explain the standards and decisions we make

Another fundamental aspect is to explain to children the norms and decisions we make, and to always do so clearly. 

We need to make sure the rules are comprehensive and complete, which will help us make sure our child understands them and can apply them.

The famous phrase “because I said it” does not help children reason or help us admit our mistakes and listen to the children’s point of view.

Thus, explaining, reasoning and feeling will help to consolidate his opinions and feelings, which will allow us to lay the foundations of his autonomy and emotional independence.

10. Treat our children with respect

We must treat them with respect so that they in turn are able to treat others with respect. You have to have two-way conversations, listen to them and give them the opportunity to show what they feel and what they think, let them act and do what they can according to their age, etc.

Children treat others as we treat them ourselves and they will repeat our teachings.