Forget Or Learn To Live With
Can we really forget what hurt us? Is this what we are doing or are we just learning to put it in a box to continue living without it hurting us? Forgetting may not be a matter of will.
We have all experienced situations, relationships and times that have made us happy, but there always comes a time when happiness breaks, and ends. Some people disappear, love ends, or distance creates obstacles. What can we do to stop these memories from hurting us?
Perhaps the first idea to consider is that “suddenly” forgetting doesn’t work. The more we scream that we don’t want a memory, the more it will appear in our mind as a circular thought. He has been present and will continue to be, even if it is in another way. The memory is there; it would therefore be useful to learn to accept it, but without it hurting us.
We have the power to give a new value to this thought, to integrate it into our vital history without it harming us. A good internal speech would be: “ It made me happy, I learned from all the bad things that happened to me and I have good memories in my memory. If I force myself to forget, the bad memories will appear even more in my consciousness and they will have even more power to generate negative emotions. Everything that was part of this past moment is now part of my history and that is why forgetting it should not be too laborious ”.
To stop talking about it does not mean to forget
No matter how hard we try or try to push everything that hurts us out of our minds, we probably won’t. Not talking about the pain, refusing to meet new people, not writing to others because you still have resentment, or not forgiving a harm done to you does not mean forgetting.
Keeping in suspense or continuously thinking about the subjects that hurt us does not mean forgetting: by doing this, we just avoid expressing them. So they stay there, sadly. We wrap them up and put them in an insecure place, but in this way we prevent them from brushing against us and harming us again.
When we forget, we no longer feel pain, we no longer remember, we can no longer feel what we have felt in the past: we do not dismiss the memories, we erase them. Since this is an impossible task (we don’t have a button in our mind that sends all the unwanted things in the trash), the most adequate thing is to strive to do what is right in our mind. to be able to. It means thinking about the value of that memory, how we want to keep it, what continues to hurt us, and why it hurts us over and over again.
We have the opportunity to work on the experiences and not let them take over us. We are more than memories, we give meaning to our memory; we are more than thoughts because we are the ones who ultimately give them shape.
It’s still there, but it doesn’t hurt anymore
From the moment we think about it, the memory will be in our mind. We will remember the time with our grandparents, that first love that marked us so much, the times we spent with our friends, visits to other cities, beers on summer evenings. . These memories are still there, in us, but stripped of the association with other negative memories: they will therefore shine more.
It no longer hurts because we have learned that making a “sudden” effort to forget is synonymous with work that only brings frustration. We don’t want to forget the good things but what hurt us: this is a process that requires a fair amount of intelligence, time and patience.
On the other hand, if it hurts us, it’s because it happened, because we feel it, because we are alive. Let’s not take it away from our minds, let’s give it a new value, a new place. Let us let him be present, while removing from him the importance that he has now lost and what he has stolen from us: let us integrate him in a new way in our history.
Our thoughts 
