How Do You Get Others To Respect You?
You can’t get others to respect you if, first of all, you don’t have a clear idea of what respect is. It is easier to understand what this value means if we bring to our consciousness memories, as examples, where it manifests itself. In this sense, we respect a person when we see them as equal to us and accept them as they are.
This means that any conduct aimed at neglecting others is disrespectful, as is any action intended to reject, deny or cancel what one thinks or feels. It is possible not to share this idea, or to disagree with it. But from there to trying to devalue it or change it, there is a world.
You can’t make others respect you, if at first you don’t respect yourself. This means that you have to see yourself as equal to others, in terms of worth. In other words, you must not feel that you are superior or inferior to others, and you must also and above all accept yourself. To feel that you are valuable for who you are and for who you are.
Self-acceptance and self-esteem are expressed through well-defined attitudes and actions. They are not an abstract reality, and neither do you have to say it so that others know it is how you feel. Those who respect themselves have three qualities: self-esteem, assertiveness, and authenticity.
Self-esteem, if you want to define it in a simple way, is having a good opinion of yourself. It has nothing to do with narcissism. It’s just about “doing well”, feeling sympathy for what you think, say and do, without seeing yourself as superior to others or better than them. You are unique, and equal to any other human being.
Assertiveness, for its part, translates into being able to defend one’s rights and express one’s opinions. This is especially important when one finds oneself in an unfavorable context, where one thinks the opposite of what the majority or the authority figure thinks. On the other hand, this attribute is directly related to self-esteem, and it is a necessary condition to make others respect you.
Authenticity, on the other hand, refers to maintaining our essence, our values and our beliefs, even though selfishly it might not be the best thing for us to do in this situation. It’s about expressing what you think and what you feel in each context. Do not simulate or feign any emotion in order to give a specific impression. Act spontaneously. Tell yourself that only you can be authentic if you realize your worth as a person.
Respect begins with oneself; therefore, you will fail to get others to respect you if you yourself do not respect yourself. On the other hand, understand that respect doesn’t mean fear or honor, but acceptance and appreciation.
There are some keys you need to know to make others respect you. Here are some of them:
- Accept that you don’t always have to please others: the approval or disapproval of others doesn’t have to condition you. There will always be people who don’t like you.
- Learn to tell the difference between friendliness and condescension: politeness doesn’t mean submission. You don’t come into the world to make others well.
- Strengthen and practice self-esteem: Always recognize all of your values and ideas. Never overlook your successes, no matter how small.
- Introduce the “no” in the dictionary of your communication: to put limits does not mean to offend the other or to be discredited. It is a healthy way to maintain mutual respect.
- Recognize that you are not responsible for how others feel or think: If the way you think, talk or act worries or bothers others, that is not your problem. Stop acting based on others.
- Demand recognition when it is needed: If you do too much for others, they will probably end up not appreciating everything you do for them. In case that happens, change the way you deal with them.
- Learn to defend yourself: maybe you are a victim of the “learned lack of defense”. Therefore, it is time to overcome this and learn to defend yourself. It’s not easy at first: however, once you get used to it, the effort required to stay the course is not superhuman.
Getting others to respect you is not a short-term goal, especially if you’ve been disrespected many times before. You need the firm decision to make it happen and the iron will to achieve your goal. However, it is worth it. Lack of respect only brings greater evils and much more unnecessary suffering.
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