How To Be Assertive At Family Gatherings

Being assertive during family gatherings is the key to survival. The reason ? Often at Christmas, during a birthday meal or other events, we find ourselves confronted with a series of dynamics that can irritate us and make us lose our patience. A family is, ultimately, a complex tribe with different opinions where harmony is not always present among the members.

It is often said that in a home  we are all allowed to think differently. What matters, in fact, is to respect each other and to know how to live together. But it’s not always the case. It is all the more difficult during the holidays, during this time of rest when we have to prepare for a reunion with this part of the family that we have not seen for a long time.

We travel long – or short – distances to get to that meal that has been on the calendar for a long time. Sometimes we go there with some anxiety. We will see this cousin who likes to sabotage us because of our way of thinking. We will also see this father who judges us all the time or this aunt who asks us when a better job, marriage or children.

Getting out of our comfort zone is not always easy. Nevertheless, and although the said meetings are not always like in the movies – where harmony, glamor and magic reign -, we can survive. Even better, we can come out of it unharmed and feel very proud of ourselves. Here are the keys.

Strategies for Being Assertive in Family Reunions

We need to apply a few keys to being assertive during family gatherings. It is not enough to read and understand them. We must add other essential ingredients: courage, the will to change and self-confidence to put them into practice.

We don’t say this by chance. When our interlocutor is a member of our family, it is relatively difficult for us to address him assertively : the emotional component slows us down, we are afraid of upsetting him in one way or another. We then prefer to be silent (“It is better that I let it pass”). This is not ideal, because what we let go has a weight on our esteem and leaves traces.

In the rest of this article, let’s look at the keys to being assertive during family reunions.

Be present and connected to your emotions during family gatherings

The top priority in any family reunion should be to share good times and enjoy each other in harmony. It is possible that there are variables (people) around you that somewhat break this objective. But on your side, you should only have one thing in mind: “Whatever happens, I’m going to be fine and I’m not going to get upset with anything or anyone.”

You must then be present and not have your mind elsewhere, or hold on to your cell phone while you wait for the day to end as quickly as possible. Focusing on the present will help us better connect with our emotions. Faced with any event that dares to interrupt the calm, the best is to be direct. How? ‘Or’ What ?

• Don’t be afraid to speak in the first person to make it clear what you want and what you don’t want.  “At the moment, I don’t want to talk about it. We are in the holiday season and now is not the time. ”
• If you perceive that someone wants to start an argument, assertively turn it off.  “I see that you want to talk about subjects that oppose us. We are not here to argue but to share a good time. ”
• Likewise, if you feel that a situation could lead to problems, try to fix it as soon as possible for the benefit of all. Remind everyone what the purpose of this meeting is: to profit.

You don’t have to answer when you don’t want to

To be assertive during family gatherings, remember a basic principle. You don’t have to answer questions that bother you or that belong to the private sphere. No family member, whether close or not, has authority over you.

So  if you don’t want to talk about something, then don’t. You can say it clearly with assertiveness, respect and in a calm manner.

Professional sowers of discord at the table

There are family members who have degrees in the art of arguing, unhealthy line-up, arguing to say the opposite of what you’re saying. In these kinds of situations, you have two options: ignore them or enter the communicative arena.

In this context, in order to be assertive during family gatherings, we need to keep in mind the following points:

• Often, those who love to argue, disagree and disagree only because they seek to attack to place their opinion or ideology and thus, to despise the other. In this case, there is only one option: “I understand and respect your position. But I am not here to waste time but to gain it. You have your beliefs and I have mine. Let’s try to do more interesting things than argue. ”
• As a general rule,  professional divisers prefer to attack rather than make strong (even logical) arguments. In such a situation, it is good to question them. The more questions the better. By staying calm and in a good mood, sooner or later they will contradict each other.

Your well-being is the most important

To survive a family reunion that bothers us or worries us, we must integrate into our minds the idea that everything is going to be fine. To get there, we have to know where our limits are. The ideal to work on the following proposals:

• Before you go to the meeting, be clear about the situations you don’t want to put up with.
• Visualize your limits and feel that this is your safe territory. Knowing what things and circumstances you are not going to accept should give you a feeling of calm and comfort.

In conclusion, if you dare to be assertive during family gatherings, you will see a big difference. Not only will you come out of any argument or dispute unscathed, but you’ll also gain experience and be able to apply these keys in any other context.

Our thoughts

In our daily lives, we must be able to cohabit with those with whom we do not get along and to manage possible disputes …