I Live To Be Happy, Not To Be Like The Others
When building our life, we follow patterns determined by others, as if we would be immediately happy following them. But is this really the case? Cultural and social pressure has led us to believe that “normalcy” is found in stability and that this will help us achieve our well-being.
Various happiness studies have shown that spending time with happy, positive, enthusiastic people who do unusual things helps us imbue us with that well-being. Doing things that are out of the ordinary gives us a special energy, which allows us to see life in a more comforting way or to discover activities that we didn’t know about and in which we are not that awkward.
The most coveted treasure of our time is to amass happiness, but we may be wrong in the way we seek it. Copying and repeating other people’s goals without even considering whether they would fit well in our life can end up causing us to fall into frustration.
“True happiness is enjoying the present, without worrying about the anxiety that depends on the future.”
-Sénèque-
Do you live to be happy?
Paradoxically, being obsessed with happiness can lead us even more towards unhappiness. A study by June Gruber, professor of Psychology at Yale University, suggests that constantly looking for a way to be happy can cause anxiety. It happens when those who seek happiness do so believing that whatever is suggested to be done to achieve it is appropriate and, therefore, they will achieve it quickly. It also happens when, after setting a strategy, the first steps do not lead to great advances.
Therefore, in order to be happy, we must above all try to be authentic. Genuine people, by definition, can count on high self-esteem. What is original is real and what is genuine inspires confidence, so let’s stop walking other people’s paths and build our own. Everything will be more difficult at the beginning and then everything will be easier because everything that we see behind us will have a connection with ourselves. We will therefore find ourselves in each of the memories that we will recover.
We will not be able to be happy living the lives of other people. Each person has unique characteristics and a unique outlook on life, and the same happens with happiness.
In a 2008 study published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology, British researchers found that people who demonstrate a high level of authenticity also maintain high levels of self-esteem and well-being.
Genuine people don’t just take the time to reflect on their perspective on life or the experiences that make them happy; they also share it with others. The majority do it even with the scent of joy that envelops personal, unique and representative work.
Happiness is not a matter of one thing but of a lifestyle.
If you want to be happy
Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, professor at Harvard University and expert in Positive Psychology, argues that joy can be learned. Learned the same way you learn to ski or play tennis, thanks to two essential elements: technique and practice. Among his main tips for feeling happy, some unusual keys appear to achieve well-being.
Among these keys, one of the most important is to celebrate failure. Few people celebrate their failures; rather we tend to feel guilty when we fail somewhere. This Doctor of Psychology says that by accepting negative emotions, we will succeed in opening ourselves up and better benefiting from positivity and joy. Not forgiving yourself is strongly linked to the presence of disorders such as depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
In our society, another common fact that keeps us away from happiness has to do with the confusion between well-being and money. Many people want the first thing but spend their time chasing after the second, ignoring that happiness depends on our mental state and not our checking account.
Happiness is identifying what is really important and focusing fully on it.
Main image by Mariana Kalacheva
