Mourning Is A Farewell Full Of Love
Life is made up of losses. We can win anytime, but we always find ourselves in the hands of time. These losses include those that relieve us, those we are indifferent to or those we would like not to have to face. It can be a departing person, just as it can be an object, a possibility, or a dream. In the face of this latter type of loss, especially those that cut deep into our skin, mourning is necessary.
Grieving understood as an emotional field in which we can manifest our sadness, in which others come closer to us to give us a little warmth that compensates, to a certain extent, for the cold and emptiness that have been created. An ideal state for empathy, silence and understanding.
Grief does not always awaken empathy
Grieving can be complicated, unfortunately, in many ways. The first is because this social support is not taking place. The majority of people understand that a person can suffer when they lose a loved one because it is unfortunately an experience that we all go through sooner or later. However, for some people, the suffering caused by another type of loss is much less understandable. For example, many people who have never shared their life with a dog or who have not loved an animal deeply do not understand the pain caused by their loss.
Other losses that are complicated to understand are those related to opportunities or dreams. They are unique to each other, cultivated in solitude and, therefore, contain an illusion that is difficult to express because you cannot compare it to anything. You can tell another person that you feel sad because all the work you have done for years has evaporated, but they will have a hard time understanding you if they have not accompanied you in this effort, if she hasn’t seen your face on a bad day. Explaining this is very complicated.
Perhaps the first problem grieving presents is the validation by others of the pain it contains.
The three functions of mourning
The first function of grief is to recognize that the loss has occurred. In fact, one experience that is to some extent antagonistic to that of mourning is that of negation: living as if this person, this dream, this illusion, this object or this animal are still in our lives. The person who denies the loss refuses to begin mourning.
In fact, when this negation occurs at the very beginning, it is called an adaptive strategy because it slows down the impact as the brain, although unconsciously, begins to assimilate the information. However, this does not happen when the negation is perpetuated because the person cannot begin the grieving process.
The second function of mourning is to recognize that this very important person or thing that has left us has existed. Mourning, in a way, serves to wash away the memory of what has been lost. In this sense, the negation of mourning can give rise to guilt because at the same time as the person tries to protect himself, he / she has the impression of betraying the memory of the one who left by not recognizing and by not acting as his heart dictates but recognizing the importance of loss. In this way, she accumulates even more negative feelings, even resentment and self-contempt.
Mourning fulfills a function of recognition and homage
Finally, mourning allows the development of the story. It gives us space to end sentences and start a new chapter. In many cases, it’s not always like we’ve said before – grieving attracts the attention of others. Attention that promotes empathy, active listening and support. In this way, a possible feeling of abandonment can be balanced with the feelings of benevolence of others.
Mourning is, in this way, an intimate act of gratitude and love towards the person who has left. A letter written in the air, in which business ends and a recognition for shared moments is established. The signature consists of simple words: “I will miss you, forever”.
